My resolution for 2017 was to to masturbate more, and it’s the first resolution I’ve ever been able to follow through with. Now that we’re almost through summer, I decided to ~update~ my technique by testing out a different high-tech sex toy every day for a week. I’m a if-it-ain’t-broke-don’t-fix-it kind of person, so even though I tried to keep an open mind going into this experiment, I was skeptical that afterwards I’d want to trade in my trusty vibe for a newer model.
Whether you want to stimulate those often neglected erogenous zones, or just want to take your masturbation to the next level, I highly recommend adding a toy into the mix,” Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, tells Bustle.
The goal I set for myself in 2017 started because I never really masturbated much before this year. I struggled for a while trying to figure out what worked for me, and would usually just wind up frustrated and orgasm-less. I only ever really tried clitoral stimulation and it wasn’t until I tried a rabbit vibrator that I figured out the best way to get myself off. I prefer my vibe to have simultaneous internal and external stimulation, but the toys I set out to try this week were not only more high-tech than what I’m used to, but also are designed differently than a standard rabbit vibrator.
Here’s what happened when I tried a different high-tech sex toy every day for a week:
Day 1: The Control Group
I started my experiment off with a vibrator that I know gets me off. It isn’t high-tech; just your standard battery-operated rabbit, but hey, it does the trick. I wanted to see if by the end of this experiment, I’d miss my trusty G-gasm rabbit, or if this would be a thing of the past. I got off quickly once before going to bed.
Day 2: Pass The Remote
I’m not a huge fan of bullets, mostly because I’ve never been successful at getting off from clitoral stimulation alone, but also the feeling of vibrations on my hand while I hold it in place distracts me to the point where it’s all I focus on. I was hoping that the remote would help with that issue, and while controlling the vibrator from a device separate from the toy itself was really cool at first, the novelty wore off fast and I was left with a numb hand and no orgasm.
I also didn’t like how loud it was and the flashlight on the remote (that can’t be turned off unless the bullet is off) was jarringly bright. The light made my room look like one of those scenes in crime shows where the cops are inspecting a dark room for evidence. Unfortunately, I didn’t find what I was looking for.
Day 3: Poor Planning On My Part
I woke up to find that I got my period, which for some reason I didn’t account for before starting this experiment. Of course, menstruating wasn’t going to stop me from masturbating, so I soldiered on with the We-Vibe Touch. This was the first rechargeable vibrator of the week, and it didn’t actually cross my mind to plug it in until I was ready to use it. By the time it was fully charged, I was already exhausted and my cramps had me in a permanent fetal position. Honestly, sleep seemed preferable to an orgasm at this point. I already figured I wasn’t going to get off anyways since it only stimulates your clit, which just doesn’t work for me (but I know that’s ideal for many other people so don’t discount this one as easily as I did).
Once I finally tried it though, I thought the pulses were unique and I liked the design of it — even if it is just a funky bullet TBH. But alas, there would be no climax for me on this night. I know that in theory orgasms can help relieve period cramps, but I was in so much pain that I couldn’t get myself into a headspace where I could even come close to coming. I’ve heard really good things about this vibrator, so I wish I had given it a fair shot, but the circumstances of day three made me give up on it too soon.
Day 4: Am I Doing This Right?
I had a dream about masturbating, which I hoped was a sign that today’s solo sex sesh would be better than the last two. I’ve heard such high praise about the Womanizer (80 percent of users claim to orgasm in the first three minutes!) so I was excited to try the Satisfyer, which is a cheaper alternative that works in a very similar way. I spent the first five minutes wondering whether I was using it correctly. At first it doesn’t really feel like much, and then bam! Orgasm! Seriously, this thing is insane and I have no idea how it works but it DOES.
Day 5: I’m Doing This Right
You’re probably wondering, “Isn’t this the same thing you tried yesterday?” I know that’s what I was thinking (but based on the previous day’s performance, I wasn’t complaining.) But the Satisfyer Pro 2 proved to be even better, probably because I had more of an idea how to use it.
I liked the design better than that of the other one simply because it was easier to hold. Also since it looks like something you’d clean your pores with, I feel like I could leave this lying around and no one would really question it. Since it’s rechargeable, it’s more likely to be left out, and while I don’t care if people find my sex toys, the concept of someone seeing something I masturbate with and thinking, “Oh, there’s Courteney’s Clarisonic” is very funny to me.
But honestly, the Satisfyer Pro 2 changed my life and I can’t believe I’ve gone 22 years of my life without one. On a related note, I also can’t believe I’ve ever had to take more than three minutes to climax. This thing is powerful and I want to personally thank whatever sex toy engineer came up with this design.
Unfortunately, I had to cut this test short because I heard my roommate go to the bathroom. I don’t like masturbating when I can hear people walking outside of my room, so I turned this off for the night. Knowing that there were two more toys I needed to try before I could come back to this one felt like torture.
Day 6: I’m Not Doing This Right
Knowing that this was a couple’s toy made me even more interested to see how it would fare during solo play. The answer, as I soon found out, was not very well. It was uncomfortable, which is disappointing since this was the only toy of the week that was made for the simultaneous internal and external stimulation that I love so much. The shape didn’t work for me, which would probably still hold true if I tested it with a partner.
Day 7: Call Me, Beep Me
My main thought while using this one was, “We-Vibe really just needs to combine this with the Touch model I used earlier this week.” I had fun using it externally as well as internally, but during both scenarios I couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing. The last day of the experiment really just had me missing my reliable rabbit.
I will admit though that syncing your vibrator to an app is really cool. But what wasn’t cool is I spent so much time playing with the app that I didn’t give myself time to actually enjoy each mode before switching it to the next one — which just did absolutely nothing for getting me off. I’m usually a huge fan of my phone, but not when it’s distracting me from the task at hand.
Overall, experimenting with different toys and techniques throughout the week really helped me figure out what works best for me. While I went into this week swearing that I would never give up my rabbit, I’ve realized that I was really only holding myself back.
Since this experiment ended, I’ve continued to use the Satisfyer Pro 2 and now I can’t remember what my orgasms were like before this (definitely not as good). Sure, some of the toys didn’t work for me, but that’s OK. Figuring out what doesn’t work for you is just as important as what does.
I’ve also learned that just because something has more impressive technical capabilities, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily better. Remotes and apps can be more of a hindrance than a help. But you won’t know what works for you until you try it.
By COURTENEY LAROCCA Aug 23, 2017